B12 has been amazing for both boys. Every day Zeke is communicating better, and now has wonderful intense eye contact. Admittedly I was like “WTF?!” He looked a little possessed to me, mostly because I was so used him looking at me out the corner of his eyes. Gabe has been focusing on his school work better and is seeking less.  Which is so very awesome because he is always in seeking mode. All very wonderful things for the boys. The first day, was a bit sad.

Gabe asked “Why do I have to take these shots, mom?”

It was really hard to explain, his eyes were welling up with tears, and I new that he was more then just upset about the shots themselves. I try not to sugar coat too much for the boys, because frankly they don’t get it.  Being direct and simple usually works best.

“Well Gabe, B-12 is supposed to help you think better.” I responded, by now he is fully crying.

“But mom, I don’t want it to take away my Aspergerssss.” crying pretty uncontrollably at this point.

“Well Gabe, that’s the thing. It wont take away your Aspergers,  that is something you will always have. In fact it may make it easier for you to: think faster, focus more, even read better. But, we wont know until we try.”

Like the faucet was turned off instantaneously, Gabe lit up. “Really, even smarter then I am now?”

I normally am not sad for my children.  But this time I was. Not for the shots or anything else that we do, rather it was the all that we do. They have worked so hard on learning how to communicate or how to cope. He really made me reflect on this.  They will always be out in left field somewhere, and that is fine.   I love their way of being, and I love being their mom.  I really don’t know any other life then Autism.  It made me wonder if even though they may be getting stronger and more capable every day, am I making them hypersensitive about this issue. On one hand the boys believe that they stand out above the rest and on the other they have a hard time in public places or most social settings that last long then an hour.

This past year in a half, has been radically life altering for us. From diets, to changing the house so that it is sensory friendly, to homeschooling, to therapist, to doctors an average of 6 to 8 appointments a week.  I  wonder if I am pushing them too hard and yet I feel like I am not doing enough.

I’m not even concerned about whether my children will be normal or not. Frankly, I hope they never become “quote” neurotypical.  Rather my goal as their mother, is that they are able to cope with all that life throws their way, and that they will be self sufficient when they are adults.

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