There's still a girl in here. Somewhere....

Prior to having my son, I was a bit of a party animal. Okay, let's be honest, I was pretty wild, party animal doesn't even BEGIN to describe it. I had a group of girlfriends and we partied hard and often. And I loved it.

Then I got pregnant. Immediately, I knew that my life was not going to cut it. Because while all of my friends were content to party thier lives away forever, I secretlly always wanted a family and to be a mommy. And while my boyfriend did not want a family life, and did not stay in the picture, I still knew the kind of mom I wanted to be, and it was not the kind who left her child with a sitter every weekend so that she could party.

So I dropped all of my friends and became that girl who never left her house. I stopped dressing up, and some days decided it wasn't even worth the effort to do my hair. I became that thing I never thought I'd be....A mom. I always swore to myself that even when I had kids I'd still be cute. I would not chop off my hair. I would never wear "mom jeans." I would still do my makeup, and wear heels, and dress cute. I would never consider a shower as optional. These were things that just would never happen to me.....I laugh at that now.

The first few months of my sons life I think I can count on one hand the number of times I did my hair and make up. And I wore "mom jeans" until he was 4 months old. I'm am JUST NOW fitting into my old clothes, and they still don't even fit the same.

But, I know that girl is in there somewhere. I recently started dating someone that brought out a little of that girl I used to be. We went out over the weekend, and 2 drinks in I was drunk. And taking care of my son the next day was torture. And it reminded me of life about 2 years ago. And I realized this was not a road I wanted to go down. So we are no longer dating. And I will not be going out again. Not because I think going out is horrible, or getting a babysitter once in a while is an awful thing. But because I want someone who can embrace the mom I have become, and who does not want the old me back. I like mommy life, and I don't miss my old life. So if I  am going to date someone, he needs to be okay with dating the new, mommy version of myself. After that, maybe that party girl can come out and visit once in a while. Maybe not though...

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