I leave the room and sit in the lobby for them to finish my paperwork. While I’m waiting, I send Jason a text saying, “I just wanted to let you know that I’m at Planned Parenthood. They confirm that I am pregnant and due in November.”
He sends a text back saying, “I don’t even know what to say to you.”
Stunned by this reply, I’m at a loss for how to respond. How does he not know what to say to me? Last I knew, it takes two for this result to happen.
He sends a follow-up text saying how angry he is. He says how horrible I will be as a mother, because I can’t take care of myself.
As far as I know, I’ve been doing a pretty good job of that, so I ask him what he’s talking about. Then he says, because I didn’t flush the toilet…twice.
What? Is he kidding? That’s his idea of why I won’t be a good mom, because I didn’t flush the toilet? If that’s his reasoning, then I think I should be okay.
To explain the forgetting to flush the toilet. I’m not a germ-a-phob at all…not in the least. But I like to wash my hands before I flush the toilet. Think about what can transpire on the handle of the toilet if you flush before washing your hands. That thought is gross. So I always wash my hands first. I guess I forgot to flush, twice, after washing my hands. If that’s my worst act, then I think I’m doing pretty well.
I respond to his text, “I don’t think that’s a good reason for why I won’t be a good mom. I know you are angry, and I know you are hurt. I’m sorry for that. But I just needed time to process this.”
He continues with his anger, until I finally say, “I’m at the doctor’s. We can continue this later.”
After I leave, the next several hours ensue with hateful and angry texts. He tells me all my faults and flaws or at least what he thinks they are. Surprisingly enough, I don’t shed a single tear. It doesn’t bother me, because I know he is really hurt. This is his way of dealing with the pain…lashing out at me. I know it’s childish and immature, but I also know that people handle pain differently. Just because I don’t choose to handle situations that way, doesn’t mean everyone else doesn’t. So, I’ll be patient with him for the time being. After all, he needs time to process the news just like I do.
I call my brother and sister-in-law and ask if I can stop by tonight. They are great people, and I want to talk to them. They will tell me what I need to hear, tactfully, and not what I want to hear. They will understand and support me and my decisions whatever they are. Right now, I need that.
When I arrive at my brother’s house, his wife, Anne, shows me their new sonogram pictures. I’m so thrilled to see the baby they are expecting in a few months. My sister-in-law tells me a little about each picture. When she finishes with the last one, I can’t contain myself any longer. I feel the tears sting my eyes, and I blurt out, “I’m pregnant.”
While my brother remains quiet, Anne jumps up and down with excitement, and as she walks toward me says, “That’s great!” I shake my head and feel my tears burn. She questions, “It’s not?” I shake my head again, while she hugs me and says, “I think it is.”
Over dinner, they listen closely as I tell them the story about Jason and his behavior recently. They had lunch once with Jason and I and are a bit surprised at these latest developments. After I finish telling them what’s happened in the past few weeks (including why I ended it with Jason three days before I found out I was pregnant), we discuss what lies ahead and my plans.
My plans? Plans for what? I’m not even sure that I’ve processed this whole thing…being pregnant, what it means, how it will change my life, all the things I need to do, etc. Great, just one more thing to add to the list of things I need to do, think about, and consider. I don’t need that list to grow even more.
Just spending time with them allows me to feel better. Yes, I do a lot of crying, but it helps. Anne gives me some papers with baby information on them that her doctor gave her, like what I should and shouldn’t eat, medicines I can’t take, a week by week baby calendar, and other pamphlets. Of course, my brother says she is overwhelming me, but I don’t mind having it. That way I can look over it at my leisure.
Before I leave their house, we stand by the front door. Anne gives me a hug, and I mention to them how differently they reacted. Anne jumped up and down excited, and my brother was silent. My brother says, “I was waiting to see how you acted. From that I would be able to tell your thoughts on the news.”
I reply, “I guess my thoughts on it were pretty obvious.”
My brother says, “I want you to take one thing into consideration. I want you to think about changing your perspective. If you think of it as a bad thing or negative, then that’s exactly what it will be. If you think of it as a positive thing and a blessing…something that will change your life for the better, then that’s exactly what it will be. I want you to think of it as a good thing, a blessing, because I want you to enjoy it and the process…because it’s really something great to be enjoyed.”
I had a great time tonight, and it was exactly what I needed. I give them both another hug and leave. When I get into the car, I have several abrasive text messages from Jason. I reply to them as nicely as I can. Then he continues his text message ranting.
I remember what Anne just told me tonight, “You don’t need any stress or pressure. If he continues to be angry and mean, then you need to stop communicating with him. It’s not good for you or the baby.”
I reply via text to Jason’s messages, “I will not continue to text you in this manner. It’s not good for me or the baby.”
He texts, “Give me a break. It’s the size of a pea, if there is even one. You don’t know squat about this really.”
And with that, the only reply he gets for the rest of the night is my silence.
Read "Changing My Perspective" to find out how A Clueless Mom reacst when the news starts to sink in.