That's what my husband said to me last night. I had just told him I was really unhappy and felt like I was being punished for 15 years of selfish decisions. He saw it differently. This is what he had to say:
We have two incredible children. The older is brilliant and funny and incredibly hard to lead. He lives life with complete emotion and isn't easily swayed to do what he knows is wrong. The younger brought to earth the joy of heaven and a smile that can brighten even the darkest day. They are both supported by the love of their Heavenly Father and my role is to raise them righteously. As strong as they are, they will still need a mother who can teach them how to love and serve and rely on the powers of the Atonement in hopes of returning to live with their Father in Heaven.
The devil is aware. He knows the struggle it's going to be to get at my children and attacks the target he sees as weak. That's me.
"...and he shall wear out the saints of the most High..."-Daniel 7:25
A few weeks ago I read an enlightening commentary on theDevil as Accuser
. The author described Satan as the one who incites us to sin and then stands by to remind us, accuse us, and taunt us about every thing we have ever done wrong. My husband equated the devil to "The Big Tattle-Tale." When he stands before God and brags about the terrible we are doing, the Lord turns away without giving his words one moment of thought. Not to be rebuked, though, the devil retreats and returns to working on an audience more receptive to his message.
"And the dragon was wroth with the woman, and went to make war with the remnant of her seed, which keep the commandments of God, and have the testimony of Jesus Christ."-Revelations 12:17
It became clear to me after reading this article and doing my own study of the scriptures that Satan is after the righteous. He has nothing to gain from a person living a life less than that. That is the point my husband, last night, was making. As I try to follow the commandments of God and raise my boys to make righteous choices, the devil attacks me. He gets afraid of losing ground and when I don't make it easy for him he sends his minions to surround me with a constant barrage of evil thoughts, self doubt, and thoughts of giving in to make sure that he wins in the end.
"Submit yourselves, therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you...For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us...that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."-James 4:7, Romans 8:18,38-39
My night and conversation with my husband did not end with a great lightening of worries and cares; the devil's stronghold is hard to break. But I was able to get out of bed this morning knowing that I have a new opportunity each day to access the blessings of the Savior's Atonement for me. The Devil may hate me, but the Lord has not given up on me. He will protect me, and my boys, until that day when I can once again stand before Him full of humility and account that I tried my hardest with the life that was given to me.