Last year I fell apart. I have been with my wonderful husband for 15yrs, including dating time. Unfortunately for a long time I didn't believe my husband to be as wonderful. We had difficulties and I had feelings that were harder to express and fix than I know now they should have been. My husband is suppose to be my best friend but I didn't feel like that. And it hurt! It hurt me to know I didn't feel it and later it hurt him. In the end I found emotional comfort somewhere else and didn't like it but became ready to except whatever came out of getting the issues dealt with...whether it be divorce, seperation, or making the marriage better.
My husband is not a religious man but I believe God works in him more than he would like to admit. My dear husband found out about my emotional connection with this other person and through reading emails realized how it came to happen. He was very angry but not as long as he could have been. He had questions, which I answered. And he really thought about what he wanted before he decided. My husband still wanted me and his family and in the most loving way possible. He still chose me. How could GOD not be working in this man?
Since this great forgiveness and change has come into my marriage I have been wondering how a human could be so forgiving of me. I understood that GOD is all loving, forgiving of our admitted sins but how a person could forgive hurt amazes me. I also felt that our marriage was all alone. That we were the only ones going through a true forgiveness and relearning process because both of us changed not just one of us. Again, I was wrong. I have been reading everything I can get my hands on; websites, books, magazines. And guess what? We are not alone. A marriage protected by GOD is an amazing marriage. Full of forgiveness, love and understanding. It is not selfish! And it reminds me totally of the passage I chose on the day we said "I do" before GOD. One I truly believed in but like my marriage lost faith in.
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now, I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain; faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
GOD is speaking and especially this year, for marriage. Marriage to be repaired or started anew, relationships rebuild on and focused on love. A marriage with GOD the center. And it is marriages like mine that he is focusing hard on, wanting shared, repaired, rebuilt and discovered. I shouldn't be ashamed or guilty but use it as others have; as a tool.
I want to share with you now where I have found peace, value, truth, comfort and knowledge that, as my husband said; "If our love can get through this. We can get through anything!"
In Marriage....Hope Matters
Focus on The Family