As I make my way through the minefield of parenting, I have come to realize that there are far too many things no one ever bothers to tell you…BEFORE you have kids. It’s highly possible that these secrets are so closely guarded as to ensure the survival of the species. Whether or not these secrets would have changed my mind on having kids, or on having four of them, is something I decline to answer on the grounds that I may incriminate myself. Certainly, it would have been helpful to know ahead of time…forewarned IS forearmed after all. And when I say “forearmed”, I mean with a money tree in the yard, a lifetime supply of uppers, a bazillion rolls of duct tape for little mouths for fixing sh**, a house full of cheap junk you don’t give a crap about, a chauffeur, maid, & tutor, & it doesn’t hurt to have a sound proof rubber room on hand, useful for both them & you. So even though I may be breaking some ancient, sacred parenting pact, I feel compelled to give you the advantage I never had, & share some of these secrets with you.