One time, when I was 18ish, I went to a routine doctor's visit for something mundane, I can't remember what...let's go with ear wax build up (nothing traumatic about that right?).  The visit ended with me being hooked up to a heart monitor for 24 hours to test for some kind of irregularity.  Doesn't add up does it?  The reason is that I had such a panic attack the doctor actually thought that my racing heart was associated with something other than my intense hypochondria. 

And people wonder why I dread medical offices of any kind.  I am positive every trip to one will end in a similar manner to my ear wax incident. 

As you can imagine, even though my first OB appointment was exciting it was also terrifying.  Sitting in the office chugging my comforting daily cup of caffeine probably didn't help the situation but what can you do. 

The pap smear itself wasn't as bad as I was expecting. telling the doctor it had been 3 years since my last one...yea that was a toughie.  She promptly took me out back and publicly beat me.

Ok maybe not, but she did give a disapproving look that clearly chastised me for my irresponsibility.  C piped up with "it's IMPOSSIBLE to get her to the doctor's for anything."

I shot him the angriest (yet, subtle) look I could muster for cluing in the woman who would be touching me in humiliating places that I was not a fan of her profession.  That's like telling the guy hunting in your backyard that you voted democrat...twice.

Regardless the visit went by decently and I was not handed a death sentence   However the wait for the results from the belated pap smear and blood work is killing me. 

Plus side?  There's definitely a baby in there!! 

I called my mother today to inform her of the exciting news.  I ended up handing the phone to Conor and letting him do most of the talking.  He called me a chicken.  Not really, but he might as well have.

Mom: "So what's new?"
Me: "Oh you know..."
Mom: "No...not really.  What is it?"
Me: "Well....I....you know..."
Mom: "I'm confused...what is it?"
Me: "Er...oh!  Here, talk to Conor, he has a pretty intense boo boo on his toe that he'd like to tell you about."

Obviously I'm a grown woman who has been living independently of her parents since I was 17 so it's not a big deal right?  Wrong.  My parents adore Conor and are also quite fond of C.  They just don't understand why we're choosing to "live in sin" instead of just getting hitched already.  I'm sure if we would pay a little visit to the court house and make it legal they would be thrilled for me to spawn some more.  Unfortunately...probably not going to happen anytime soon.  It's not that we don't WANT to get married, we do.  Eventually. 

Which is why I currently feel like I should go audition for 16 and pregnant.  How do parents always have such a way of making us feel like disobedient children?  Or is it just mine? 

I'm a grown-up gosh darn it!!

Maybe that's what I should lead with....

While I'm confessing my lack of maturity...I also find Glee incredibly inspiring and I follow most of the news on the Kardashians (I'm still rooting for you Khole, you crazy kids can get through this!).

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Tags: anxiety, humor, parenthood, pregnancy

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