I am a huge fan of the sitcom Friends. I've seen every episode at least five times. Maybe more. That's not an exaggeration. Just ask my husband. I was one of those people who threw a big Friends Finale party and bawled my eyes out when Rachel and Ross finally ended up together. As if there were any other option? Fans would have lit NBC Studios on fire if they hadn't. Okay, maybe that was just me.
A lot of the time I will sum up how I'm feeling through specific Friends episodes. It makes good sense, really. It was a wildly popular show so most people "get" what I'm trying to say when I use a Friends
So today, I give you my life lived through the episode where Chandler wants to quit the gym. Remember? He wants to get out of his gym membership but they tempt him by utilizing their sexy membership representative. And he just yells, "I wanna quit the gym!"
Well, I wanna quit the blog.
It's so much pressure. Trying to make a difference in this big blog world. I thought if I joined Twitter, switched to wordpress and redesigned my blog and commented on other blogs until my fingers feel like they might fall off, that my blog might blow up into this huge success. What kind of success? I don't know. Maybe a chance to get a sponsor to go to the big blog conference, BlogHer.But the only "companies" who have contacted me are completely unrelated to my website. People asking me to review a book about Jesus, creepy doll clothing and math flashcards. No thanks, no thanks, and no thanks.
For awhile I thought I had found my stride. But now I'm lost again. The second I think I've written an amazing post someone else writes something that makes me feel like I just bathed in a mud puddle.
Seriously, there are some damn good writers out there. It sucks when you start to feel like you're not one of them. The progress to get more exposure and gain more readers is slow-going. I honestly don't know how to do it. And what good are the blog-hops when they aren't really loyal
readers? They are generally just to increase your numbers.
Plus, there are too many blog conferences that I will never be able to attend. Too many popular bloggers who get 50 comments when they write something simple. Not that I'm not happy for their own successes. They work hard and I always try to be supportive and keep commenting even
though I'm like their trillionth reader. But it makes me feel like a horse's pa-toot. Because here I am. Pouring my heart out. No. Scratch that - my heart is literally BLEEDING onto the pages of this little blog and it still doesn't feel like it matters all that much.
I want you to know I'm not ungrateful for the support I've received so far. The people who come here and read what I have to say every time I post. My loyal readers who stick by me and support me through wonderful comments on my blog, Facebook and Twitter. I love you all. I wouldn't trade you for a brand new Friends episode. Now a Friends movie? We'll have to talk.
Isn't blogging supposed to be fun? Of course, I'm not making it easy on myself with the subjects I've chosen to write about as of late. They are not easy to write. And I'm sure they're not easy to read either. But thank you for reading them. Because the comments on those posts all made me feel like I'm doing this for something. And not just wasting my time.
Don't worry, I'm sure I won't actually quit the blog. I do love it most of the time. Just not when it makes me feel inferior. And I'm not writing this to gain pity comments or to hear you all yell, "NO MOLLY! DON'T QUIT!" But golly gee, I'm just not feelin' it right now, folks.
Even the Season 1 DVD of Friends couldn't cheer me up last night. And that's saying something.