Disclaimer: This is gross. Very gross. Possibly the grossest thing I have shared on here. So you know it is in the uber gross category. But I have to share because Mother's will understand. But I recommend you hide your children's eyes and possibly your husband's. Only the strong can handle it.
Megan has a bit of an upset stomach. I bet you know where this is going. I'll pause while you go get a barf bag.
Are you back? OK
So, all day, she's been presenting a special kind of "what are you feeding this kid" odor and diaper deposits to compliment said odor. It has been fantastic. But as a seasoned mother of children who poop out things that I have never in my life smelled and probably will never again, I knew where to turn my head so I would not be downwind, so to speak.
She's got some diaper rash as a result, and I am trying to remember to use a warm cloth to help soothe her instead of cold, harsh wipes.
I changed her at about dinner time. The girls were nicely - and by nicely I mean not at all - playing Play-Doh at their little table. All of the colors were mixed together and to be honest, it all looked like poop. I made dinner and told myself I'd sweep the whole mess up when they were done.
At one point, Megan, who had been walking around the table, decided to sit on one of the stools. I heard that all familiar "squueessshhhh" and ran, afraid to even pick her up, already knowing what I would find.
Yes - poop out the sides and all over the chair.
I flipped her over in true mommy fashion, got her diaper off and reached for the wipes while holding her, suspended over my arm, ripe end up so I could inhale the best part of the diaper change.
"Mommy, Megan is playing in her poop."
I whip my head around to see that she is, indeed, finger painting in her poop. I lurch forward, getting her finger out of the way, thinking the disgusting disaster is avoided, go to reach for another wipe and.....
OMG OMG OMG!
I feel myself starting to hurl and then I see her face. She has this sour, twisted, confused, wretched look on her face! I burst out laughing, despite my nausea, and finish cleaning her up - mouth included.
And that is my horrid, disgusting, nasty, story of the day. I have never had that one happen before. First time. Lucky me. I pray it is my last!
You can uncover the children's and husband's face now. It is over.