My Funny Mummy's Blog (217)

Egg Hunt

Today, I entered into the age old practise of the Easter Egg Hunt. Or the Mum Suddenly Thinks It's Okay To Eat Stuff Off The Floor O-Thon.  As you may be new to this custom, I have decided to give you a run down of how things might pan out for you. You'll need small chocolate eggs, a novelty basket and a will to win.

(Futile bunny ears optional)

www.myfunnymummy.org x

Added by My Funny Mummy on March 31, 2013 at 4:16pm — No Comments

Jewels

This interest in dangly adornments stemmed from when I thought I'd try being a A Hippy. Turned out that after a few shoeless months picking gravel and shards of bus stop out of my trotters I realised that I was, in fact, not Joss Stone, but a slightly overweight idiot wearing one earring and an air of working class desperation.
www.myfunnymummy.org x

Added by My Funny Mummy on March 21, 2013 at 7:17pm — No Comments

Elastic Fantastic

It is here.
I have waited seventy five weeks for this moment.
Five hundred and twenty five days have crawled teasingly past; 12600 hours have edged painfully along; 756000 minutes have dragged tauntingly by; and on every single follicly challenged one of them I have remained patient, resilient, focussed and unwavering in my longing for and pursuit of THIS VERY DAY.
www.myfunnymummy.org x

Added by My Funny Mummy on February 28, 2013 at 4:53am — No Comments

Pam Cake Day

Happy birthday Pam! Mum, Dad and I wish you many happy returns! We did make you some little cakes to celebrate but we all decided you really wouldn't like them, so as our gift to you, lovely lady, we ate them all. No worries. And as you were otherwise engaged on your big day, I decided to outline the festivities you missed out on.
Congrats old bird!
www.myfunnymummy.org x

Added by My Funny Mummy on February 17, 2013 at 6:00am — No Comments

Splash

Anyway, as part of my teacherly duties, a Parent's Evening swings by every once in a while that I have to prepare for. This usually involves the faffing about with of certain documentation (sponsored by numerous late nights), the picking of an outfit (sponsored by varying degrees of indecision about how much I look like Sandi Totsvig) and the throwing on of an affable nature and a hauntingly empty fake smile (sponsored by Disney).

By the time the event itself comes…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on February 7, 2013 at 10:14am — No Comments

Splash

Anyway, as part of my teacherly duties, a Parent's Evening swings by every once in a while that I have to prepare for. This usually involves the faffing about with of certain documentation (sponsored by numerous late nights), the picking of an outfit (sponsored by varying degrees of indecision about how much I look like Sandi Totsvig) and the throwing on of an affable nature and a hauntingly empty fake smile (sponsored by Disney).

By the time the event itself comes…

Continue

Added by My Funny Mummy on February 7, 2013 at 10:14am — No Comments

Manners

So rapidly blossoming is her vocabulary that all swearing, of even the lowest level, must be muttered through bitten off lips for fear she will clasp her flapping lugs about its profanitous phonemes and spit them, some three hours later, at an unsuspecting stranger in Tesco. Full post www.myfunnymummy.org x

Added by My Funny Mummy on January 9, 2013 at 3:53pm — No Comments

Christmas Party Boy

So, me and my son resigned ourselves to an afternoon of gender bending (I myself lightened her load by pacing the dance floor in the plastic cracker moustache I found on the floor).
www.myfunnymummy.org x

Added by My Funny Mummy on December 24, 2012 at 5:16pm — No Comments

Pat

Hashtag amazeballs!
I, little old me, of blogging obscurity, have just met Postman Pat! The actual, gen-u-ine, real deal, Royal Mail delivering funster himself! 
And I am happy to report he didn't disappoint.
In fact, he completely smashed it.
www.myfunnymummy.org x

Added by My Funny Mummy on December 16, 2012 at 4:41pm — No Comments

Ridiculous

I know how annoying this is going to be. I know I am going to disappoint you. I know this isn't what you come here for, and believe me when I say, I really don't want to be that woman. So you'll just have to forgive me. Or else put it in your pipe and smoke it; because in this instance it is totally, completely unavoidable.

So here it comes.
www.myfunnymummy.org x

Added by My Funny Mummy on December 15, 2012 at 3:50am — No Comments

Resting

When I sleep I wind myself into the tightest, most contorted, duvet encased mess of dislocated limbs and torn out hair that each morning I am forced to spend forty five minutes digging about in the covers in order to track down my left foot, right thumb or septum - which will, inevitably, amid all my stressed out night time writhing, have worked its way inside the duvet cover and nestled itself near someone's bum, so, upon clipping it back to my face and rushing out to work, means that…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on December 10, 2012 at 9:27am — No Comments

Once Upon A Time...

Once upon a time there was a Mummy, a Daddy, and a 14 month old little girl with a budding vocabulary and stubborn streak that started out cute but is becoming a bit of a nuisance.

One afternoon this Mummy and Daddy sat playing with their very focused little girl. They began by having a make believe tea party together, which the little girl liked to do very much. Everybody poured pretend tea and ate pretend cake and chatted with the other invited guests who included a teddy, a single…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on December 9, 2012 at 5:20am — 1 Comment

Chunder Storm

Nothing says 'Welcome To Our Home' like a vomit spattered front door step.

www.myfunnymummy.org

Added by My Funny Mummy on November 30, 2012 at 3:57pm — No Comments

Parents Evening

Within it sat photos of Boo looking cute (tell me something I don't know), documents about activities planned for her (yeah, yeah, yeah), post-it notes observing The Poop at play (big wow) and work samples (yadda, yadda, yadda).

Where are the assessments?

Where do I find out that she is a genius? A prodigy? An infant mastermind? A veritable whizz kid? A shiningly gifted example of intellectual brilliance, destined only for glory, excellence and superiority?…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on November 26, 2012 at 5:56am — No Comments

Parents Evening

Within it sat photos of Boo looking cute (tell me something I don't know), documents about activities planned for her (yeah, yeah, yeah), post-it notes observing The Poop at play (big wow) and work samples (yadda, yadda, yadda).

Where are the assessments?

Where do I find out that she is a genius? A prodigy? An infant mastermind? A veritable whizz kid? A shiningly gifted example of intellectual brilliance, destined only for glory, excellence and superiority?…

Continue

Added by My Funny Mummy on November 26, 2012 at 5:56am — No Comments

Save Our Soles

My insatiable penchant for quality children's footwear knows no bounds. It cares not for pay day, savings or our desire to eat for the rest of the month. It just presses ahead, snatching at the nearest available overdraft, credit card or property re-mortgage in order to purchase every perfectly fitting 3.5G mule in the land. I am utterly powerless to control it. And if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

www.myfunnymummy.org…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on November 25, 2012 at 4:44am — No Comments

Torment

Not in our house. Because in our house, we don't celebrate the little triumphs. There are no pats on the back or celebratory high fives. In our house, success is an opportunity to bully. To tease. To tempt. To harass, badger, provoke, goad, bait and bother. Achievement sign posts the opportunity to immediately focus on the next thing I can't do. Because now I can walk; I have to walk further. I have to manage one more step than last time; one more stride than before; one more pace…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on November 18, 2012 at 3:41pm — No Comments

Shoe In The Road

A single glove in the road - easily explained. A pair of shoes - sure, there could be reasons.
But a solitary brogue? On a dual carriage-way? Or, on occasion, on A MOTORWAY?
Nah. I don't get it.
www.myfunnymummy.org x

Added by My Funny Mummy on November 16, 2012 at 6:06pm — No Comments

Art Attack

Last Monday we turned up, berets, palettes and hard faces at the ready, and managed to shove our way through the vision-less, cack handed, toddling bunch of artistic dead beats milling around the nursery door.
Full post www.myfunnymummy.org x

Added by My Funny Mummy on November 12, 2012 at 9:36am — No Comments

The Holiday

On this holiday, I always knew the time. It was lunch time, or suncream time or flick sand in my face time. It was supper time or bath time or drink a mouthful of sea water time. It was be sick on your new holiday dress time or eat shells time or learn not only to walk but ACTUALLY RUN while on the edge of a cliff time.

Only when I got home and discovered it had been national 'Give Your Mum A Heart Attack Week' did everything fall into place. The week I booked a…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on November 6, 2012 at 3:30am — No Comments

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