Keeping You Posted!
"There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart."
When the world got quiet for this young lady what became glaringly clear to me was the dust that accumulated on my yoga mat.
As time passed I felt an aching and emptiness inside of me because I missed my practice. My body had been begging me to open up and roll out my mat - correcting the aches and pains I'd been experiencing. It was calling me to engage in a practice that had once been sacred to me - a practice that I felt at one time I couldn't live without. I was stuck. It wasn't happening, and as a result my body was stuck, stiff, and sore. I felt like I'd gone so far away from my practice that the thought of me pulling out my mat and striking a pose felt untrue. I felt like I couldn't just strike a pose and it mean I'm practicing yoga again.
Sometimes all you need is a little nudge.
In '09 when I decided to begin my yoga practice I researched and tried many different yoga styles. I've always been fascinated with the art and felt a connection to it that needed no explanation. I knew this practice would create wholeness and healing within me and wasn't just a faze I was going through.
I practiced with some amazing yoga instructors until finally finding a yoga style that fit me. I fell in love with yin yoga. The deep stretching and opening and long deep, deep breathing fell in line with everything that I needed. It's like finding your mate and knowing somehow you two have always known each other. At the time what I didn't know was how much yin yoga and my sensual meditation practice would go hand in hand.
My practice came to a halt about a year and a half ago. Since then, I'd been wanting to connect with my practice, but was holding back because I was stuck in the idea of it having to be done a certain way. I felt like I needed time to focus on the spiritual aspect of it instead of just doing it. (Time I felt I had very little of.) The idea of striking a pose and taking a picture felt superficial and less sacred to me.
That's when I heard a little whisper from within that said, "There is no right or wrong way. There is just a way."
And then...I struck a pose. That was all I needed.
It was in that pose I eradicated my question of whether or not this is true for me and not just a picture. Of course it is. It's meaningful, sacred, spiritual, a way of going deeper and connecting. My practice is about the health of my body and connecting with it in ways that make me feel good. It's about opening to new directions, and loving me along the way. I'm okay with that.
I struck a pose...and my whole body fell into it. It was willing to go as far as it needed, as far as it needed to go to experience healing. And I allowed. That's one the things I love about yoga - the allowing.
Thanks to A Woman's Thirst challenge I dusted of my mat and struck a pose, the Saddle Pose, and it felt damn good.
And then I realized that sharing my poses with you doesn't make it less, "spiritual". It just allows us to connect with each other in this way.
There is more to come. This is just the beginning of a new chapter for me with my practice. I'm excited to see what my body wants to create.
What have you been needing to dust off and just do? What are the reasons you're holding yourself back? Won't you let go and dive in with me? This is my nudge to you.
If you follow me on Instagram you may have noticed my recent involvement in #AWomansThirst project. It is a 40 day adventure of picture prompts created by the lovely Hannah Marcotti. Everyday, early in the morning, we are sent our next adventure via email. It's thrilling to receive each one because you never know what kind of adventure the prompt will take you on. That's one of the alluring things about this project, you never know what you'll have to do, where you'll have to go, and how you will have to express yourself through photos. It's a brilliant project, one that definitely keeps your creative juices flowing. Also, to know that I'm not alone, on a hunt to quench my thirst with a group of women doing the same, however that may look and feel, satisfies a deeper longing of connection for me.
We are currently on day #11 so you haven't missed much. If you have an instagram account and are looking for some creative ways to share pictures or maybe you're creative flow is fine but you just want to be a part of an amazing group of women doing something amazing for ourselves, join us. We would love to have you.
Prompted to "infuse my thirst" on day 7, we were to grab a marker and infuse our water with a word that would be our mantra, our source of light. The purpose is to think on your word every time you drink, creating a silent mediation around that word, embodying that word. I chose the word sensuous to lead my way during my day and I got my kids involved as well. After some thought they came up with their words which I decided to share with you. Some of the jars were filled with cucumber, lime, lemon, and mint and to top it off our words. Oh the yumminess!
Lesson learned: what you think on you create for yourself. You are in control.
Give it a try and see how you feel. Notice what thoughts you are creating in your day. You don't have to use a mason jar. Write your word in a notebook, notepad, journal, on a coffee mug, on a sticky note, on the home screen of your phone. Write it anywhere you will be reminded to think on your word when you see it.
And then, tell me how it made you feel.
On the sixth floor of the Embassy Suites in Downtown Orlando. It was David's birthday weekend. We were alone. So much laughter and loud silence. The kind that after being married for some years you begin to appreciate. It was just us, this beautiful view, and another day and night in our love.
On the fifth floor of the Embassy Suites - the day before we switched rooms. A balcony was what we needed but this view was the best we had. This was the picture I took and sent to him saying, "This is our view. Can't wait to enjoy it with you. Hurry up and get here. Like now". He was at work, wrapping up a few deals. Hey, the deals are what pays the bills so I wasn't complaining,...just anticipating.
Very special day. I was with the Fab Four, my four younger children. Got them dressed for an impromptu photo-shoot. They're growing. I want to hold on to every stage of their beauty, growth, and life. Through my lens I see differently. I see things I don't see with my eyes alone. And then this shot. I turned my camera and there it was - the perfection of stillness of the in between. And then, #VSCOCAM happened. Yes. Perfection.
Mmmm, can you feel it? This shot says everything that needs not be said. So touchy, feely, calm, and free.
Here is where I sat with the stillness that is of me - that is inside of me. And I didn't want to leave. That is all.
Those moments when things are supposed to be the way it is but never is. Those moments where things seem like they are but never are.
Those moments where certainty is promised but promises uncertainty.
Those moments when you know but then again have no freaking idea.
Yea, those moments.
Life's moments that are bliss - filled that turns in to a bliss-less-ness.
Lately life has been like this for me. Can you relate? Does it seem like in one moment you know what direction you're supposed to be heading and then the next not so sure?
Does it seem to have you on a high and then, before you know it, that high becomes a low? And sometimes really, really, low.
Life is like this.
Ups and downs are the one thing that is constant and sure.
In moments like these here's what I do...
take a deep breath, inhale it all in, and breathe it all out.
I let it go.
There is no need for me to fuss over it because as I've learned, that doesn't change it.
Life has a rhythm, a flow, an ebb, and if we adhere to it all will be well. Even if it doesn't look like it, it will.
I have a saying that also helps me get through these moments. My husband and oldest children now use it.
It's simple. Nothing profound. Just something that gives me hope when I can't seem to see my way through.
It goes like this...
"Confusion always comes before clarity".
Whenever I've lost my way, am uncertain of which direction to go next, I stop, take a deep breath, and remember those words.
It's helped me, maybe it will help you too.
Confusion serves it's purpose on your way to clarity. Clarity will come. You can be certain of that.
So, chin up. Don't let it discourage you for too long. This too shall pass.
Reading... Sex At Dawn. Taking my time, making my way through this one. Sex & Pearls, how appropriate? They do go hand and hand, wouldn't you say? The pearls made it easy to digest, I guess. Sex At Dawn - have you read it?
"How we mate, why we stray, and what it means for modern relationships.
Here's some of the things you'll read about on the inside:
Why long-term fidelity can be so difficult for so many.
Why sexual passion tends to fade even as love deepens.
Why many middle-aged men risk everything for an affair.
Why homosexuality persists in the face of standard evolutionary logic.
What the human body reveals about the prehistoric origins of modern sexuality."
I'm looking forward to it.
If you've read it please share your feelings on this work and what, if anything, did you learn from it.
Feeling... happiness. In this moment I'm grateful for the happiness that I'm experiencing because I am doing something I love - writing & enjoying my pleasures. Slowly allowing the words to pour out of my soul, observing my creation. Delighting in the new things to come with my blog and online presence. My heart feels joyful and I'm grateful.
What brings you happiness?
Smelling... sage. I bought this batch back in Atlanta. I Love the smell of Sage. I burn it throughout my house, my alters, and around me. It's a cleansing method that's been used for ages. My aunt would burn it in her apartment and not only did the smell arouse me but the ritual itself resonated with me.
Here are a few ways I use it in our home:
Whenever I'm feeling a bit frazzled, over-worked, anxious about anything I burn it and sit in front of my alter and pray or meditate or draw my tarot cards. It's method is healing and soothing to my soul.
Whenever we move in to a new space I'll burn it and walk around the home into every room performing a blessing ritual. Basically giving thanks and blessing our new space.
Do you use Sage for spiritual house cleansing or any cleansing for that matter?
Tasting... these sweet cranberries and delicious almonds and yummy ginger dressing. Honoring my body and what it wants. Making sure to stay aligned with what is best for my body. I do this by listening to what my body is hungry for in each moment. I do this by having healthy snacks around me so I won't reach for those unhealthy snacks or snacks that don't serve me. I do this by not allowing myself to become too hungry in between meals leaving me with hunger pains that causes me to eat whatever. Which is usually NOT what's best for me.
Also... the beginnings of some vegan Homemade Coconut Waffles that had my children and husband smacking their syrupy smothered lips. Blog post for this recipe coming soon. The pictures will make your mouth water.
So, when are you coming over for your homemade waffles? I always make enough to share.
Listening... to Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.
"The idea of freedom. The idea of being unspoiled and having rhythms that are uninterrupted by the overdose of the intellect."
Another book that I learned about some years ago and took the time to read during my hiatus from the internet in 2012. I listen to be reminded of what's important - the soul. I listen and read to remember what is dear to me - my wild woman. I listen and read and slowly, sometimes rapidly, are being transformed.
My life needed this book, Clarrisa's wisdom, stories, and teachings. Everything all of a sudden made sense. I was not the "different" one in my family that I was always told I was. My ways were not strange and abnormal like I was taught to believe. There was nothing ever, ever, ever wrong with me.
As a child I would listen to the birds sing and learn their songs. I would listen to the breeze blow through the tree leaves and hear it's message. I felt the bees hum within me whenever they were around. I heard my name whispered all the time and when I turned around no one was there. I saw shadows of people in the corners of my eyes that as I got older embraced them as friends. These things I experienced made me special. They are a part of who I am and I no longer push them away because of shame.
Does this sound like you?
Did you grow up feeling strangely different from those you called family, or couldn't explain why you always felt out of place? Don't be ashamed. You are not alone. You have a place, it just may have not been there.
Creating... his musical beats and rhythms. Tapping into his creative flow, enjoying his pleasures. He loves making music and DJ-ing. His hours at work only allow this to happen during small windows of his free time. I can only imagine what he could do with even more time. Those days will be here soon enough. For now, he enjoys these little moments he has and I enjoy watching him flow.
What do you enjoy doing / creating but don't have the time that you would like to do it?
Wondering... what is she thinking, feeling, sensing, seeing. So intriguing, always leaves me wondering of her wonder. Who is she? Why did she choose me in my dream the day before David brought her home. In my dream she brought a spirit of play as she does to our lives everyday. She is a mystery unfolding, waiting to be re-discovered once again.
Do you have an animal(s)? Have you ever felt the kind of connection I'm speaking about?
Pondering... these delicious curves, naked skin, soft places, resting places, white linens, magic happening. Slowly drifting like these butterflies flying high. Body deliciously heavy with memories, feeling the comfort of home, on this bed, in this space. A touch of light frolicking, dancing where I once laid my head. Can you see it? Loose locs, waiting to be released from their nightly wrap, desiring and deserving freedom.
My mind slips in and out of worlds. The one inside my camera and the other on the other side. Holding it steady, hearing my breath as I inhale and exhale just before I snap.
Currently where the light is.